tbh the worst thing about being a self aware mentally ill person is that people assume that because you understand your illness you’re automatically able to actually apply your knowledge to your life and cure yourself
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tw - there isn’t a happy ending
i’m done. there isn’t anything left to be trying for. i grew up with a parent i didn’t even know was abusive, and escaped into a relationship where i’ve been cheated on, convinced it was my fault and finally, yesterday, hurt and yelled at in public. i attract abuse in everything i do. this isn’t going to get better, there is no happy ending.
recently my second therapist this year told me she does not know how to help me. probably the fourth or fifth to say that. mental health services, at least in the uk, don’t know how to help you unless you already know how to help yourself, they can only support you in doing it. and i don’t know. i’ve run out of ideas. i’m still a child, a carer for a violent partner with bpd while suffering with it myself.
nobody has ever helped me, and nobody will. 9 years of cutting my wrists and never hiding it has taught me enough about humanity. nobody will help you. so either help yourself, or do what i’m doing.
this will be the 9th or 10th time i’ve tried at least, but this time i know how. it’s been trial and error but i’ve been close enough to know where i went wrong. thank you to anyone here who’s tried to help me, but i’m a lost cause. goodbye.